One of the things that I have been "dreading" is planning an alternative for clinking glasses making the newlyweds kiss. There's nothing wrong with kissing, but in the weddings I've attended where an alternative wasn't set up, I noticed a lot of the time the clinking happens during dinner. And even Dana knows that if I'm hungry, I don't want to be disturbed until I have eaten. And while I will try my best to be gracious and compassionate toward people, I know I will be less so when it comes to clinking glassware.
Here are some of the options I have found so far and my reaction to them. Know this: I will not be doing the clinking glasses. Any clinking will result in a death stare. So while we haven't officially decided what to do instead, there will be no clinking of glasses. Period.
1) Trivia--Basically, the newlyweds have a bowl of trivia questions about them and the person desiring them to smooch has to come up to the table and answer the trivia question correctly. I like this idea because it's pretty easy going, but in light of the ice breaker games our DJ will be doing, I wonder if it might seem incredibly redundant.
2) Teach Them How to Kiss--The guest desiring to see the newlyweds kiss comes up to the table and demonstrates the kind of kiss the newlyweds should do. I can't see this option ending well for us either--honestly. No thanks. This would be a great idea if the guest list was small, because I know who would come up and do this, but once you get into the 200s, it would seem that you're just asking to be kissing nonstop. Again, kissing nonstop is not a bad thing, but let's give the photographers something fun to take pictures of, shall we?
3) Sing a Song--The person who wants to see the newlyweds kiss comes up to the table and sings a song with a specific word in it (Love, Kiss, etc). Personally, I'd almost opt for the kiss one since I could think of only a handful of songs with the word kiss in it. So far, this one seems like it could be a winner, only because it's not too intrusive or potentially messy. Also, let's be honest, I would love to be serenaded. And Dana would love it too I'm sure.
4) Roll a dice--One of my friends from college had a D20 at her wedding. And I loved the idea! Theirs was roll 1-10 (or maybe 11) and the newlyweds assign a task for you. For example, I rolled a 9 and I had to play tic-tac-toe with someone. 11-20 gets them to kiss. It's respectful, yet fun. It doesn't fit Dana or my personality though. As much as we both love the idea.
5) Change the Noise--Clinking glasses are annoying. The sound can be a little harsh on the ears. So I've read some who decided to change it to bells. I can't see how little bells would be less annoying than clinking glassware, but for the sake of putting everything on the table, I'm writing it here anyway. Probably wouldn't work for us.
Whatever ends up being the final decision, it's good to see how creative other couples have been with this. I realize that it's important to get some dinner time in. Extremely important in fact. And since the clinking of glasses tends to happen during dinner. I'm trying to be as preemptive as possible.
In other news, Dana and I are not scouting out wedding photographers. We're hoping to book before years end. Then that's one major check off the check list. :) I imagine that's what my next post will be about. Stay tuned! And have a wonderful holiday season! :D
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Doom
I'm sorry if the title comes off a bit morbid. I've been rather slow in keeping up with this blog. I'm highly aware of that. But, the expense of ignoring this blog has been worth it. I cannot say any clearer how much it has been worth it to me. By extension, I think it has been worth it to Dana as well. Instead of me feverishly stressing over what I have to write and what I have to say, we've had a lot of time to just talk and express ourselves.
Things that have happened in wedding planning since the last post:
--We have officially booked both of our venues.
--We have asked the flower girls to be in our ceremony. (They said yes!)
--We have attended a total of seven dance lessons.
--We have booked a DJ.
And we've finally reached a point where we could lull. All of late October and early November has been spent that way. My parents aren't interested in speaking budget yet because my sister's wedding is still on the horizon and I'm looking at the calendar and saying "I still have plenty of time to take things in slow bursts." And in light of how stressful and annoying and irritating planning can be, it's been a wonderful blessing for both Dana and I. We still have enough time that we can sit and imagine and brainstorm things and them not be knocked down.
But I didn't jump on this blog to really report on our wedding planning. I came on here because I felt that the lull in planning has allowed Dana and I to seek God, and that has been a happy surprise for me. Not because I didn't expect that God would come into our relationship, but it just seems that in us growing closer in our relationship, God is nudging his way in in a very real way. Some other things that I see as much more precious are these.
Around May, Dana told me that he wanted to get into the habit of us studying the Bible and praying together. At the time, I was incredibly selfish and said, "I don't know how that's going to work with us being so far away from each other during the week." Dana and I live about an hour away from each other on a good day. When there's no traffic I can sometimes make it in a half hour, but it's typically about an hour of driving just to get to his place or for him to get to mine. For me, I wasn't ready to make that kind of drive. Knowing what my family would say to me about gas, I'd just as soon avoid it. So Dana tried to study over the phone with me. That didn't seem to work so much either. For whatever reason, the studying the Bible just wasn't clicking for me. Yes, I love the Bible. I love Jesus. I love God. I grew up in a home that was incredibly nurturing of having faith in the Lord. But I didn't want it. I didn't want to sit and read the Bible verses and discuss. That kind of thing awakens my analytical brain. The same analytical brain that got me A's on every single literature essay. And even though a mind like that is a gift, the Bible becomes rather dead when you see it through just that lens sometimes. At least, it did for me.
And keep in mind, all the while this is happening, Dana kept saying "I would like to get in this habit now so it's easier when we're married."
The answer to the prayer came when I watched a live streamed class of EV Free Fullerton's "Sex, Love and God". That class had been advertised at EV Free for being about reading the book Song of Solomon. If you don't know that book or have never read it (which I qualified for both), read it. Or better yet, watch all the classes. It's amazing.
And I don't mean amazing just because it deals with sex, although that topic is in discussion during the class. I mean amazing because whenever Dana and I watch an episode of it, or go to the class, we leave with plenty to talk about. We have a lot of things to discuss. And it's been convenient some weeks that our premarriage class lessons seem to coincide with the Song of Solomon.
I share this because this class has got us talking. And talking frank sometimes. There are a lot of things that I don't know the answers to, and plenty of fears we both have, but this class has unearthed these things and allowed us to get talking. And to feel that talking about these things is okay.
Mind you, this class is not the end all, be all of bible studies, but for the time being it has allowed Dana to study with me. And for me to hunger for the Bible. Ladies and gentlemen, if that's not an answered prayer, then that's a pretty big step in the right direction.
Without revealing too much, I will say that back earlier in the year, I had horrid spells of loneliness. And even still, I have some of those symptoms revisit me. It's why I've gone into counseling, and counseling has been helping a little bit.
But where counseling has had a hard time is addressing that frustration and anger I get when I don't get an answer right away from God. Earlier this year, I had to answer some very real questions and be honest with myself as to whether or not I wanted to keep going. And I eventually decided yes. And I still stand by my decision, but it is costly to have to relearn my waiting lesson.
In the past, I functioned in prayer as a way to address God when I was in dire straights. That whole knock and the door will be opened--let me tell you, I was pounding on doors. I had made my walk with God that way, and for the most part it seemed to be working in that way. I didn't bother God with menial things and would come to him when I was empty.
This last week, I told Dana I was frustrated that this journey with God was taking the scenic route. I didn't want to take the scenic route. I wanted to know how God intended to solve this problem and move to the next chapter. I even equated this experience to my leaving Biola and going to Mt. SAC--the whole "what now?" that came out of that. I was having a very similar experience with our walk. Of course, I told him, "leaving Biola was hard, but several years later I was thankful for it because I grew in a way I don't think I could have had I stayed." Dana said, "Well, we've been on this road for almost a year. And you think it's going to be that easy when all other instances have been years long?" (That is not meant to be read in a condescending way. When Dana said this to me, I laughed. Hard.)
But this has been a difficult thing to realize as we're making preparations to begin our lives together. For me more than him. I'm not patient. I'd like God to just give me a moment to catch my breath before we get trucking along again. And it's been harder to share this because with exception of Dana and a few others, I've received answers of "you sure you're on the right path?" Oh, that stings. And infuriates me. But this instance has also proved useful in the fact that I have been able to defend my point of perspective with Biblical context.
Eharmony.com aside, Dana and I have taken three assessments in the premarriage class. And my reaction to some of the tests has been to interpret it as "oh no, how is this going to affect our marriage?" Anything "low" for me is the same as an "Oh no! I need to work on that!"
For example, we took the DiSC test. I came out as only slightly different from back when I took it with From the Heart. I'm an S and a C. Dana was a C. For me, I saw this and said "Oh no, I'm going to have problems with X,Y, Z etc". To which, any sound advisor would say, "Melinda, you can drive yourself nuts with something like that."
Boy, I can, and I did.
We took a couple check up assessment and a lot of the things that came up were good until we got to our SCOPE profiles. Dana's scores were pretty level. Mine were a little bit more exaggerated. While we have pretty high scores together on many things, I fretted over the low scores. Like, I wasn't as social as I thought I was. Or I was too emotional.
And today was our last assessment class. We received our results from the Taylor Johnson Temperment Analysis and found that a large amount of our points were plotted in opposition to the graph's curve. Many of my points came up in areas that were "improvement necessary", which to me is worrisome. Someone gives me an alert to be vigilant on myself, I will run myself into the ground that way. It became very hard to evaluate these things together because I kept seeing "I don't fall into this grid."
And then we asked the leader of the class to interpret them for us. And he spun it into a much more encouraging light. No, our marriage wasn't doomed. In fact, there were more than enough reasons to be encouraged that we would be able to make things work. For example, even though I don't see myself as incredibly sympathetic, Dana does. He sees me as incredibly sympathetic. And even though Dana doesn't see himself as incredibly self disciplined, I do. In the overall scheme of things, the counseling guy assured us that the graph looked good. Both of our self scores were pretty good.
The leader of the class ended it with a very profound statement though. "We celebrate marriage here. You guys already have similarities and you know them. Your similarities won't pull you apart as much as differences will and that is where being aware of them can help you get a running start. Infatuation is God's gift to you two as a couple so that you are both willing to stay long enough to work through the differences."
And that phrase finally gave me peace. Not to mention that it was wonderful to see how Dana saw me. It's very easy to be critical of myself, and to see that someone believes in me without having to fish for it is incredibly encouraging. God has nudged the infatuation in our relationship. And I'm incredibly thankful for that.
All in all, for now, I consider these three things much more valuable than getting through my check list for the wedding. And that may make things feel rushed at the end of it, but I don't care. I suppose to me it's worth it to invest this amount of work in it at the get go. Maybe then marriage won't be quite as hard.
Things that have happened in wedding planning since the last post:
--We have officially booked both of our venues.
--We have asked the flower girls to be in our ceremony. (They said yes!)
--We have attended a total of seven dance lessons.
--We have booked a DJ.
And we've finally reached a point where we could lull. All of late October and early November has been spent that way. My parents aren't interested in speaking budget yet because my sister's wedding is still on the horizon and I'm looking at the calendar and saying "I still have plenty of time to take things in slow bursts." And in light of how stressful and annoying and irritating planning can be, it's been a wonderful blessing for both Dana and I. We still have enough time that we can sit and imagine and brainstorm things and them not be knocked down.
But I didn't jump on this blog to really report on our wedding planning. I came on here because I felt that the lull in planning has allowed Dana and I to seek God, and that has been a happy surprise for me. Not because I didn't expect that God would come into our relationship, but it just seems that in us growing closer in our relationship, God is nudging his way in in a very real way. Some other things that I see as much more precious are these.
We have been engaging back and forth in a Bible study together
Around May, Dana told me that he wanted to get into the habit of us studying the Bible and praying together. At the time, I was incredibly selfish and said, "I don't know how that's going to work with us being so far away from each other during the week." Dana and I live about an hour away from each other on a good day. When there's no traffic I can sometimes make it in a half hour, but it's typically about an hour of driving just to get to his place or for him to get to mine. For me, I wasn't ready to make that kind of drive. Knowing what my family would say to me about gas, I'd just as soon avoid it. So Dana tried to study over the phone with me. That didn't seem to work so much either. For whatever reason, the studying the Bible just wasn't clicking for me. Yes, I love the Bible. I love Jesus. I love God. I grew up in a home that was incredibly nurturing of having faith in the Lord. But I didn't want it. I didn't want to sit and read the Bible verses and discuss. That kind of thing awakens my analytical brain. The same analytical brain that got me A's on every single literature essay. And even though a mind like that is a gift, the Bible becomes rather dead when you see it through just that lens sometimes. At least, it did for me.
And keep in mind, all the while this is happening, Dana kept saying "I would like to get in this habit now so it's easier when we're married."
The answer to the prayer came when I watched a live streamed class of EV Free Fullerton's "Sex, Love and God". That class had been advertised at EV Free for being about reading the book Song of Solomon. If you don't know that book or have never read it (which I qualified for both), read it. Or better yet, watch all the classes. It's amazing.
And I don't mean amazing just because it deals with sex, although that topic is in discussion during the class. I mean amazing because whenever Dana and I watch an episode of it, or go to the class, we leave with plenty to talk about. We have a lot of things to discuss. And it's been convenient some weeks that our premarriage class lessons seem to coincide with the Song of Solomon.
I share this because this class has got us talking. And talking frank sometimes. There are a lot of things that I don't know the answers to, and plenty of fears we both have, but this class has unearthed these things and allowed us to get talking. And to feel that talking about these things is okay.
Mind you, this class is not the end all, be all of bible studies, but for the time being it has allowed Dana to study with me. And for me to hunger for the Bible. Ladies and gentlemen, if that's not an answered prayer, then that's a pretty big step in the right direction.
We have found out that we are on a very long journey together
Without revealing too much, I will say that back earlier in the year, I had horrid spells of loneliness. And even still, I have some of those symptoms revisit me. It's why I've gone into counseling, and counseling has been helping a little bit.
But where counseling has had a hard time is addressing that frustration and anger I get when I don't get an answer right away from God. Earlier this year, I had to answer some very real questions and be honest with myself as to whether or not I wanted to keep going. And I eventually decided yes. And I still stand by my decision, but it is costly to have to relearn my waiting lesson.
In the past, I functioned in prayer as a way to address God when I was in dire straights. That whole knock and the door will be opened--let me tell you, I was pounding on doors. I had made my walk with God that way, and for the most part it seemed to be working in that way. I didn't bother God with menial things and would come to him when I was empty.
This last week, I told Dana I was frustrated that this journey with God was taking the scenic route. I didn't want to take the scenic route. I wanted to know how God intended to solve this problem and move to the next chapter. I even equated this experience to my leaving Biola and going to Mt. SAC--the whole "what now?" that came out of that. I was having a very similar experience with our walk. Of course, I told him, "leaving Biola was hard, but several years later I was thankful for it because I grew in a way I don't think I could have had I stayed." Dana said, "Well, we've been on this road for almost a year. And you think it's going to be that easy when all other instances have been years long?" (That is not meant to be read in a condescending way. When Dana said this to me, I laughed. Hard.)
But this has been a difficult thing to realize as we're making preparations to begin our lives together. For me more than him. I'm not patient. I'd like God to just give me a moment to catch my breath before we get trucking along again. And it's been harder to share this because with exception of Dana and a few others, I've received answers of "you sure you're on the right path?" Oh, that stings. And infuriates me. But this instance has also proved useful in the fact that I have been able to defend my point of perspective with Biblical context.
We have found that our personalities are workable
Photo provided by Dannee Astin Photography (even though she's Dannee Ridge now! ;))
Eharmony.com aside, Dana and I have taken three assessments in the premarriage class. And my reaction to some of the tests has been to interpret it as "oh no, how is this going to affect our marriage?" Anything "low" for me is the same as an "Oh no! I need to work on that!"
For example, we took the DiSC test. I came out as only slightly different from back when I took it with From the Heart. I'm an S and a C. Dana was a C. For me, I saw this and said "Oh no, I'm going to have problems with X,Y, Z etc". To which, any sound advisor would say, "Melinda, you can drive yourself nuts with something like that."
Boy, I can, and I did.
We took a couple check up assessment and a lot of the things that came up were good until we got to our SCOPE profiles. Dana's scores were pretty level. Mine were a little bit more exaggerated. While we have pretty high scores together on many things, I fretted over the low scores. Like, I wasn't as social as I thought I was. Or I was too emotional.
And today was our last assessment class. We received our results from the Taylor Johnson Temperment Analysis and found that a large amount of our points were plotted in opposition to the graph's curve. Many of my points came up in areas that were "improvement necessary", which to me is worrisome. Someone gives me an alert to be vigilant on myself, I will run myself into the ground that way. It became very hard to evaluate these things together because I kept seeing "I don't fall into this grid."
And then we asked the leader of the class to interpret them for us. And he spun it into a much more encouraging light. No, our marriage wasn't doomed. In fact, there were more than enough reasons to be encouraged that we would be able to make things work. For example, even though I don't see myself as incredibly sympathetic, Dana does. He sees me as incredibly sympathetic. And even though Dana doesn't see himself as incredibly self disciplined, I do. In the overall scheme of things, the counseling guy assured us that the graph looked good. Both of our self scores were pretty good.
The leader of the class ended it with a very profound statement though. "We celebrate marriage here. You guys already have similarities and you know them. Your similarities won't pull you apart as much as differences will and that is where being aware of them can help you get a running start. Infatuation is God's gift to you two as a couple so that you are both willing to stay long enough to work through the differences."
And that phrase finally gave me peace. Not to mention that it was wonderful to see how Dana saw me. It's very easy to be critical of myself, and to see that someone believes in me without having to fish for it is incredibly encouraging. God has nudged the infatuation in our relationship. And I'm incredibly thankful for that.
All in all, for now, I consider these three things much more valuable than getting through my check list for the wedding. And that may make things feel rushed at the end of it, but I don't care. I suppose to me it's worth it to invest this amount of work in it at the get go. Maybe then marriage won't be quite as hard.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Premarriage Class Level 1
So, as promised, I've come to post about the goings ons about our wedding stuff.
For starters, Dana and I started the premarriage class. And it is proving to be very educational. Things I didn't really know about us are kind of beginning to surface a little bit. I suppose that's a good thing, right? One example is that the first week seemed a little half hazardly organized. It brought to light how strict I am as far as my expectations go. Here's one moment we had after leaving the class with our paperwork. The class includes some testing materials. The first test booklet we received was the DiSC test. Now, a bit of background, I had taken this test when I was in From the heart...--my church's drama group. And although it has been awhile, I did know one thing about this test.
The gentleman who taught the class the first week said that he had only one per couple. Dana and I took one.
We got home and opened the booklet only to find that there was one answer sheet. One. This test is not one of those to be taken "as a couple". This is one of those test that is to be done individually. I immediately called foul.
Me: They only gave us one test. We can't get this done.
Dana: Maybe there's another sheet in the back?
Me: No. There is only one answer sheet. And it's not a "couple test". What the heck?
Dana: Maybe we were supposed to take two?
Me: But the guy said one per couple, why would he say one per couple if we were supposed to take two? That doesn't make sense.
Dana: Well, maybe we could photo copy the sheet.
Me: We spent money to cover the testing materials. Why should we have to photocopy it? They should provide the goods for our payment.
Dana: Well there's gotta be one in there.
Me: No. It's only one answer sheet.
[silence]
Me: I think maybe we need to call that Lisa chick and find out what happened.
Dana: I'll give her a call and find out.
Now, keep in mind, this is not to be read in the context of a fight. However, if any of you know how much of a perfectionist I am, you're probably equally acquainted with how I force those standards onto other people. And I wasn't mad at Dana when this happened. I just had a sounding wall moment.
And actually as I pondered it during the week, I began to wonder if maybe the teachers of this class had done this as an underhanded way of "forcing" us to communicate. Kind of "warm us up" for marriage discussions. But were professors really like that for a class like this?
It turns out they really just made an oops and didn't order enough materials the first time and we had to get the second packet the following week. So the following week we returned to class and got the second packet so we could continue our homework.
Then came the class on communication, and here is where I glow over Dana's way of communicating. Even in moments like the one above--and ones where I'm frustrated/angry/upset with the world--Dana is a completely even keel as I call it. He doesn't take my frustrations being expressed as an attack on him. And I try my absolute hardest to make it not sound that way, but it certainly makes it super easy to communicate with him when something isn't working right and I need to air my frustration. It's hard to find someone who can do that. Most of the time, some people take my "sounding board" moments as attacks on them, and by consequence react in a way that protects themselves. I love love love the way that Dana can discern between when I'm needing these kinds of moments and ones when I feel we have to improve ourselves for the betterment of each other and our relationship. It's one of the "top five" reasons why I love him.
That being said, in this communication class, I did find out that even in attempts to protect my words from sounding accusatory, there were still trigger words that I had never known about before. And there was a trigger response that Dana hadn't realized for me either. So there was some great opening up between each other after class about how we can strive to make this work because for the first couple years we're married, we'll have each other to communicate with and it's best to try to figure that kind of thing out now and find a way to address it that works, yes? I thought so.
Primarily what we focused on in the last class was changing "you" statements to "I" statements to allow for better communication. And I came to find out that my desire to be concise did not necessarily serve me well in this instance. It will take some learning and practice.
What I've come to discover is that my "perfectionistic" leanings are much more deep rooted and influential than I thought. I wasn't anticipating that it would be this difficult to get over, but it's still something that I have to work through I suppose.
For starters, Dana and I started the premarriage class. And it is proving to be very educational. Things I didn't really know about us are kind of beginning to surface a little bit. I suppose that's a good thing, right? One example is that the first week seemed a little half hazardly organized. It brought to light how strict I am as far as my expectations go. Here's one moment we had after leaving the class with our paperwork. The class includes some testing materials. The first test booklet we received was the DiSC test. Now, a bit of background, I had taken this test when I was in From the heart...--my church's drama group. And although it has been awhile, I did know one thing about this test.
The gentleman who taught the class the first week said that he had only one per couple. Dana and I took one.
We got home and opened the booklet only to find that there was one answer sheet. One. This test is not one of those to be taken "as a couple". This is one of those test that is to be done individually. I immediately called foul.
Me: They only gave us one test. We can't get this done.
Dana: Maybe there's another sheet in the back?
Me: No. There is only one answer sheet. And it's not a "couple test". What the heck?
Dana: Maybe we were supposed to take two?
Me: But the guy said one per couple, why would he say one per couple if we were supposed to take two? That doesn't make sense.
Dana: Well, maybe we could photo copy the sheet.
Me: We spent money to cover the testing materials. Why should we have to photocopy it? They should provide the goods for our payment.
Dana: Well there's gotta be one in there.
Me: No. It's only one answer sheet.
[silence]
Me: I think maybe we need to call that Lisa chick and find out what happened.
Dana: I'll give her a call and find out.
Now, keep in mind, this is not to be read in the context of a fight. However, if any of you know how much of a perfectionist I am, you're probably equally acquainted with how I force those standards onto other people. And I wasn't mad at Dana when this happened. I just had a sounding wall moment.
And actually as I pondered it during the week, I began to wonder if maybe the teachers of this class had done this as an underhanded way of "forcing" us to communicate. Kind of "warm us up" for marriage discussions. But were professors really like that for a class like this?
It turns out they really just made an oops and didn't order enough materials the first time and we had to get the second packet the following week. So the following week we returned to class and got the second packet so we could continue our homework.
Then came the class on communication, and here is where I glow over Dana's way of communicating. Even in moments like the one above--and ones where I'm frustrated/angry/upset with the world--Dana is a completely even keel as I call it. He doesn't take my frustrations being expressed as an attack on him. And I try my absolute hardest to make it not sound that way, but it certainly makes it super easy to communicate with him when something isn't working right and I need to air my frustration. It's hard to find someone who can do that. Most of the time, some people take my "sounding board" moments as attacks on them, and by consequence react in a way that protects themselves. I love love love the way that Dana can discern between when I'm needing these kinds of moments and ones when I feel we have to improve ourselves for the betterment of each other and our relationship. It's one of the "top five" reasons why I love him.
That being said, in this communication class, I did find out that even in attempts to protect my words from sounding accusatory, there were still trigger words that I had never known about before. And there was a trigger response that Dana hadn't realized for me either. So there was some great opening up between each other after class about how we can strive to make this work because for the first couple years we're married, we'll have each other to communicate with and it's best to try to figure that kind of thing out now and find a way to address it that works, yes? I thought so.
Primarily what we focused on in the last class was changing "you" statements to "I" statements to allow for better communication. And I came to find out that my desire to be concise did not necessarily serve me well in this instance. It will take some learning and practice.
What I've come to discover is that my "perfectionistic" leanings are much more deep rooted and influential than I thought. I wasn't anticipating that it would be this difficult to get over, but it's still something that I have to work through I suppose.
How many of you actually finished this game before the timer shook the floor?
I look forward to see what my DiSC test shows in light of this discovery. I wonder how much I have changed since I last took it. It's been about nine years...
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Things Are Looking Up!
Well, it's been almost a month since my last post, and I think we're due for an update. Things are looking on the up and up from last time. It all started with Dana and I going to an Open House at a Country Club. Now, keep in mind, at the beginning I had made my point to not have anything to do with a golf club.
And then we went to this country club, and it actually changed my perspective. The scenery can be worth it. Although having an outdoor ceremony was not something I was wanting to plan for, I was pretty thrilled with the outdoor scenery. And even better, their ballrooms are pretty substantial. And no view obscured!
Since then, we have visited two venues that are around the same price, but it sounds like, right now, we're leaning more toward one. No commitments even still, but it will be imminent I'm sure. (I think Dana is about as tired of searching out venues as I am.)
More Good News!
I received an email from The Knot about three weeks ago offering a complimentary ninety minute lesson. And Dana and I had discussed having a couple dance lessons before the big day. I figured why not? I took my chances and sent an email over asking his availability. I received a reply almost instantaneously asking to plan a date and time to meet and try him out.
We went to the lesson last night. And it was a lot of fun! Mainly because there were rules over what we could do. We couldn't comment on the other's dancing skills or lack thereof. And let me tell you, it made things much easier that way! When there's no room to say things like that, it makes it for a very pleasant and fun experience. I wasn't sure Dana was keen on it, but once we got proposed for scheduling and taking classes etc. He said we should do it! We're now on the hook for ten lessons. We're gonna be awesome either way, but it's incredibly apparent that this could be a wonderful date night idea.
Our Premarriage Class starts up in a couple weeks. I'm certain that when that occurs, I will have another blog post to do. In the meantime, it looks like there are more happy times ahead!
And then we went to this country club, and it actually changed my perspective. The scenery can be worth it. Although having an outdoor ceremony was not something I was wanting to plan for, I was pretty thrilled with the outdoor scenery. And even better, their ballrooms are pretty substantial. And no view obscured!
Since then, we have visited two venues that are around the same price, but it sounds like, right now, we're leaning more toward one. No commitments even still, but it will be imminent I'm sure. (I think Dana is about as tired of searching out venues as I am.)
More Good News!
I received an email from The Knot about three weeks ago offering a complimentary ninety minute lesson. And Dana and I had discussed having a couple dance lessons before the big day. I figured why not? I took my chances and sent an email over asking his availability. I received a reply almost instantaneously asking to plan a date and time to meet and try him out.
We went to the lesson last night. And it was a lot of fun! Mainly because there were rules over what we could do. We couldn't comment on the other's dancing skills or lack thereof. And let me tell you, it made things much easier that way! When there's no room to say things like that, it makes it for a very pleasant and fun experience. I wasn't sure Dana was keen on it, but once we got proposed for scheduling and taking classes etc. He said we should do it! We're now on the hook for ten lessons. We're gonna be awesome either way, but it's incredibly apparent that this could be a wonderful date night idea.
Our Premarriage Class starts up in a couple weeks. I'm certain that when that occurs, I will have another blog post to do. In the meantime, it looks like there are more happy times ahead!
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Finding a Good Fit
Is it just me or is venue hunting a super exhausting experience? Dana and I have visited three potential venues and at each one there was something we just couldn't really look past. With technically only a couple weeks to go before it's the year countdown, I'm starting to get to the point where I really want to just give this over to a wedding planner. It's a whole lot of work, and I'm not really all that impressed so far.
Well, okay, let's be clear here, I am impressed with some aspects and the more venues we visit, the more Dana and I are beginning to figure out what questions we need to ask. Here's my wishlist so far for a reception venue though.
1) Falls within our budget. I don't exactly want to go broke because I have to book a place. I realize since my guest list is pretty substantial, it's going to be expensive, but I do need to reserve money for the dress and flowers.
2) Has a wedding/event coordinator I feel good about. You know that old rule that ninety percent of the time during a vehicle purchase, it really depends on how the buyer feels about the salesman? It's kind of similar here. Seeing as how I will be in contact with the coordinator quite a bit, I need to feel as if my feedback is welcomed. It is my wedding, after all. If the venue falls within our budget, but I'm not feeling all that welcomed by the wedding coordinator, then I'm going to be much more hesitant with spending money to go to that place.
3) Willing to work with us. No extra charges for not utilizing some services. One venue we looked at was going to charge us to close the bar, which seems silly seeing as how we weren't using that service. But those are just my thoughts on it.
4) Willing to let us bring in outside vendors, etc. This one is pretty self explanatory. Dana and I have brainstormed some cute centerpieces and we really would like to utilize that. And since we're both really creative it would be sad not to be able to use it.
5) Willing to let a dog be there. Since I'm planning on having my dog be a part of the ceremony, it is fairly important that she be allowed to be there. I realize this isn't really an issue that needs to be brought up with reception venues, but it may be a good thing to think about for a ceremony. I'm not quite sure how they would feel about something like this. It's certainly something to consider.
This is really on the top of my prayer list right now. I really just want to book a place so we can get started on the fun stuff of wedding planning, or at least, take a break from planning for a few weeks and enjoy the fact that we're engaged.
Well, okay, let's be clear here, I am impressed with some aspects and the more venues we visit, the more Dana and I are beginning to figure out what questions we need to ask. Here's my wishlist so far for a reception venue though.
1) Falls within our budget. I don't exactly want to go broke because I have to book a place. I realize since my guest list is pretty substantial, it's going to be expensive, but I do need to reserve money for the dress and flowers.
2) Has a wedding/event coordinator I feel good about. You know that old rule that ninety percent of the time during a vehicle purchase, it really depends on how the buyer feels about the salesman? It's kind of similar here. Seeing as how I will be in contact with the coordinator quite a bit, I need to feel as if my feedback is welcomed. It is my wedding, after all. If the venue falls within our budget, but I'm not feeling all that welcomed by the wedding coordinator, then I'm going to be much more hesitant with spending money to go to that place.
3) Willing to work with us. No extra charges for not utilizing some services. One venue we looked at was going to charge us to close the bar, which seems silly seeing as how we weren't using that service. But those are just my thoughts on it.
4) Willing to let us bring in outside vendors, etc. This one is pretty self explanatory. Dana and I have brainstormed some cute centerpieces and we really would like to utilize that. And since we're both really creative it would be sad not to be able to use it.
5) Willing to let a dog be there. Since I'm planning on having my dog be a part of the ceremony, it is fairly important that she be allowed to be there. I realize this isn't really an issue that needs to be brought up with reception venues, but it may be a good thing to think about for a ceremony. I'm not quite sure how they would feel about something like this. It's certainly something to consider.
This is really on the top of my prayer list right now. I really just want to book a place so we can get started on the fun stuff of wedding planning, or at least, take a break from planning for a few weeks and enjoy the fact that we're engaged.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Will You Marry Us?
My last highlight of wedding planning for the night, while we may have a lot of things pending, we have found an officiant! Yes, we found someone who would be willing to perform the ceremony.
A few names came up, but our officiant will be my former Youth Minister from Sunny Hills Church of Christ, Donnie Goodwin.
Oddly enough, the first person to know about this other than Dana and I was Donnie's seven year old daughter, Abigail. Abbie has been a really good friend to me since she was two, and one day while waiting for church to start, she said she was excited that I was going to get married.
I offered to let her in on a secret, but did the usual "promise not to tell" thing. I figured she would probably spill the beans anyway, but it would at least make her feel special that she was in on a secret. I told her that I was going to ask her dad to do the ceremony.
She did spill the beans, but not to Donnie. She told her mom because she was way to excited. You can imagine my surprise when I heard from her mom one evening at rehearsal, "I know your secret!"
I told her, "Abbie wasn't supposed to tell!"
Abbie did tell though. She was way too excited.
Thankfully, Michelle (Donnie's wife) assured me that Abbie just told her, and had not broken her promise not to tell Donnie.
I told Michelle that Dana and I were planning to ask Donnie to do the ceremony sometime soon, but we were going to wait until we had set a date. I also went ahead and told Michelle that I was intending to ask Abbie and her older sister, Ellie to be my flower girls. In the meantime, Michelle promised she would keep it a secret. I'm almost sure she will keep that a secret until I ask them.
Donnie has officiated five of my cousins weddings (four of which, I've attended). And everytime he has officiated, he seems to have a way to make his message fit with the couple's personalities and quirks.
So when I finally made up my mind that we ought to go ahead and approach Donnie, I tried to come up with a way to ask him that didn't make it sound brother husband esque. And when we both approached him, I said exactly what I had intended not to say.
"Donnie, will you marry us?"
Donnie's response? "I'm sorry, I'm already married. Thanks though."
After Dana and I had a good laugh, I asked him if he would perform the ceremony for our wedding in a year. To which Donnie said, "Oh sure! Of course!"
We're going to be meeting a couple times with Donnie as the date draws closer so we can discuss what we want, but for now, I'm just glad to check that off my list!
A few names came up, but our officiant will be my former Youth Minister from Sunny Hills Church of Christ, Donnie Goodwin.
Oddly enough, the first person to know about this other than Dana and I was Donnie's seven year old daughter, Abigail. Abbie has been a really good friend to me since she was two, and one day while waiting for church to start, she said she was excited that I was going to get married.
I offered to let her in on a secret, but did the usual "promise not to tell" thing. I figured she would probably spill the beans anyway, but it would at least make her feel special that she was in on a secret. I told her that I was going to ask her dad to do the ceremony.
She did spill the beans, but not to Donnie. She told her mom because she was way to excited. You can imagine my surprise when I heard from her mom one evening at rehearsal, "I know your secret!"
I told her, "Abbie wasn't supposed to tell!"
Abbie did tell though. She was way too excited.
Thankfully, Michelle (Donnie's wife) assured me that Abbie just told her, and had not broken her promise not to tell Donnie.
I told Michelle that Dana and I were planning to ask Donnie to do the ceremony sometime soon, but we were going to wait until we had set a date. I also went ahead and told Michelle that I was intending to ask Abbie and her older sister, Ellie to be my flower girls. In the meantime, Michelle promised she would keep it a secret. I'm almost sure she will keep that a secret until I ask them.
Donnie has officiated five of my cousins weddings (four of which, I've attended). And everytime he has officiated, he seems to have a way to make his message fit with the couple's personalities and quirks.
So when I finally made up my mind that we ought to go ahead and approach Donnie, I tried to come up with a way to ask him that didn't make it sound brother husband esque. And when we both approached him, I said exactly what I had intended not to say.
"Donnie, will you marry us?"
Donnie's response? "I'm sorry, I'm already married. Thanks though."
After Dana and I had a good laugh, I asked him if he would perform the ceremony for our wedding in a year. To which Donnie said, "Oh sure! Of course!"
We're going to be meeting a couple times with Donnie as the date draws closer so we can discuss what we want, but for now, I'm just glad to check that off my list!
We're Dry
Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Sit down for a moment with me while we discuss something that is of great importance.
That is, alcohol.
When Dana and I first met, we discussed the subject of alcohol and both discovered we had pretty similar beliefs about it. We had both noted on our profiles for eharmony that we preferred no alcohol. While neither one of us is against the consumption of alcohol, neither one of us really enjoys the taste of it and seem to prefer soft drinks or teas in its place.
This was never really an issue, until we began talking of getting married. Both of us have guests who we know are fans of alcohol. And in fact, Dana originally offered up that we do a "wine only" deal. But that just seemed odd to me.
Here, our wedding is supposed to be about us. Call me selfish, but if I'm spending money to have a ceremony where we're the center of attention, how is it not about us? Guests should be celebrating us. Celebrating our relationship. Celebrating the things we like and people that we are as we become one. Seeing how our relationship originally was established with similar beliefs that we're not that fond of alcohol, why would we all of a sudden decide to have it at our wedding? It just makes no sense in that respect.
This also seems to be a good way to moderate behavior as well. I have been to weddings where the guests got a little wild after having consumed alcohol. And knowing how strong willed I am, that is not something I would tolerate in the slightest bit. Come now, no one wants to see Melinda angry. Let's all get along, shall we?
This has been a source of moderate stress as we go about breaking the news to those who do enjoy alcohol, but our hope is that for this day in particular, you would show your love for us by respecting our choice not to have it.
That is, alcohol.
Look at all the pretty bottles and cans.
When Dana and I first met, we discussed the subject of alcohol and both discovered we had pretty similar beliefs about it. We had both noted on our profiles for eharmony that we preferred no alcohol. While neither one of us is against the consumption of alcohol, neither one of us really enjoys the taste of it and seem to prefer soft drinks or teas in its place.
This was never really an issue, until we began talking of getting married. Both of us have guests who we know are fans of alcohol. And in fact, Dana originally offered up that we do a "wine only" deal. But that just seemed odd to me.
Here, our wedding is supposed to be about us. Call me selfish, but if I'm spending money to have a ceremony where we're the center of attention, how is it not about us? Guests should be celebrating us. Celebrating our relationship. Celebrating the things we like and people that we are as we become one. Seeing how our relationship originally was established with similar beliefs that we're not that fond of alcohol, why would we all of a sudden decide to have it at our wedding? It just makes no sense in that respect.
This also seems to be a good way to moderate behavior as well. I have been to weddings where the guests got a little wild after having consumed alcohol. And knowing how strong willed I am, that is not something I would tolerate in the slightest bit. Come now, no one wants to see Melinda angry. Let's all get along, shall we?
You probably wouldn't be lucky enough to just get a finger pointed at you. I would probably just get right up in your face. I'm assertive like that.
This has been a source of moderate stress as we go about breaking the news to those who do enjoy alcohol, but our hope is that for this day in particular, you would show your love for us by respecting our choice not to have it.
I Have a Binder Full of....Scribbles.
Since Dana and I have originally started setting to plan things out, we've had several great ideas between the two of us. The only problem is, our memories are just plain not big enough to fit them all. Over the weekend, I asked Dana to go out and get me a binder so that we could have some form of organization and keep track of things we've already decided.
As such, Target was just wonderful! We found a binder and we were on our merry way.
Right now, we're looking at the sixteenth of August 2014, for our date. Since nothing has been booked yet though, we're hesitant to announce the date itself. I've been treating it as if we're going to do that day though. Finding the reception venue has really been the most difficult so far.
Reason? Our guest list is pretty substantial. We numbered out everyone we wanted to invite and even some plus ones, and came to a solid two hundred and twenty five if you factor in Dana and my stomachs to feed. Almost half of it alone was my family. And you just can't plain not invite family, that's just bad form.
This is where the binder seems to at least solve all my problems. I have a list of venues we would like to look at and consider and once we've made our decision, we can either cross it off our list or keep it as a possibility. It's still cutting it close though. Some websites have said book the venue at least a year in advance, but then that leads one to think, how on earth do people not have trouble booking venues when they have an engagement period that is shorter than a year. Silly internet.
Another struggle has been ironing out who to invite and not to invite, and who to give a plus one to and who to withhold the plus one. I suspect that time will just have to wait and see on this one.
As such, Target was just wonderful! We found a binder and we were on our merry way.
Right now, we're looking at the sixteenth of August 2014, for our date. Since nothing has been booked yet though, we're hesitant to announce the date itself. I've been treating it as if we're going to do that day though. Finding the reception venue has really been the most difficult so far.
Reason? Our guest list is pretty substantial. We numbered out everyone we wanted to invite and even some plus ones, and came to a solid two hundred and twenty five if you factor in Dana and my stomachs to feed. Almost half of it alone was my family. And you just can't plain not invite family, that's just bad form.
This is where the binder seems to at least solve all my problems. I have a list of venues we would like to look at and consider and once we've made our decision, we can either cross it off our list or keep it as a possibility. It's still cutting it close though. Some websites have said book the venue at least a year in advance, but then that leads one to think, how on earth do people not have trouble booking venues when they have an engagement period that is shorter than a year. Silly internet.
Another struggle has been ironing out who to invite and not to invite, and who to give a plus one to and who to withhold the plus one. I suspect that time will just have to wait and see on this one.
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