For starters, Dana and I started the premarriage class. And it is proving to be very educational. Things I didn't really know about us are kind of beginning to surface a little bit. I suppose that's a good thing, right? One example is that the first week seemed a little half hazardly organized. It brought to light how strict I am as far as my expectations go. Here's one moment we had after leaving the class with our paperwork. The class includes some testing materials. The first test booklet we received was the DiSC test. Now, a bit of background, I had taken this test when I was in From the heart...--my church's drama group. And although it has been awhile, I did know one thing about this test.
The gentleman who taught the class the first week said that he had only one per couple. Dana and I took one.
We got home and opened the booklet only to find that there was one answer sheet. One. This test is not one of those to be taken "as a couple". This is one of those test that is to be done individually. I immediately called foul.
Me: They only gave us one test. We can't get this done.
Dana: Maybe there's another sheet in the back?
Me: No. There is only one answer sheet. And it's not a "couple test". What the heck?
Dana: Maybe we were supposed to take two?
Me: But the guy said one per couple, why would he say one per couple if we were supposed to take two? That doesn't make sense.
Dana: Well, maybe we could photo copy the sheet.
Me: We spent money to cover the testing materials. Why should we have to photocopy it? They should provide the goods for our payment.
Dana: Well there's gotta be one in there.
Me: No. It's only one answer sheet.
[silence]
Me: I think maybe we need to call that Lisa chick and find out what happened.
Dana: I'll give her a call and find out.
Now, keep in mind, this is not to be read in the context of a fight. However, if any of you know how much of a perfectionist I am, you're probably equally acquainted with how I force those standards onto other people. And I wasn't mad at Dana when this happened. I just had a sounding wall moment.
And actually as I pondered it during the week, I began to wonder if maybe the teachers of this class had done this as an underhanded way of "forcing" us to communicate. Kind of "warm us up" for marriage discussions. But were professors really like that for a class like this?
It turns out they really just made an oops and didn't order enough materials the first time and we had to get the second packet the following week. So the following week we returned to class and got the second packet so we could continue our homework.
Then came the class on communication, and here is where I glow over Dana's way of communicating. Even in moments like the one above--and ones where I'm frustrated/angry/upset with the world--Dana is a completely even keel as I call it. He doesn't take my frustrations being expressed as an attack on him. And I try my absolute hardest to make it not sound that way, but it certainly makes it super easy to communicate with him when something isn't working right and I need to air my frustration. It's hard to find someone who can do that. Most of the time, some people take my "sounding board" moments as attacks on them, and by consequence react in a way that protects themselves. I love love love the way that Dana can discern between when I'm needing these kinds of moments and ones when I feel we have to improve ourselves for the betterment of each other and our relationship. It's one of the "top five" reasons why I love him.
That being said, in this communication class, I did find out that even in attempts to protect my words from sounding accusatory, there were still trigger words that I had never known about before. And there was a trigger response that Dana hadn't realized for me either. So there was some great opening up between each other after class about how we can strive to make this work because for the first couple years we're married, we'll have each other to communicate with and it's best to try to figure that kind of thing out now and find a way to address it that works, yes? I thought so.
Primarily what we focused on in the last class was changing "you" statements to "I" statements to allow for better communication. And I came to find out that my desire to be concise did not necessarily serve me well in this instance. It will take some learning and practice.
What I've come to discover is that my "perfectionistic" leanings are much more deep rooted and influential than I thought. I wasn't anticipating that it would be this difficult to get over, but it's still something that I have to work through I suppose.
How many of you actually finished this game before the timer shook the floor?
I look forward to see what my DiSC test shows in light of this discovery. I wonder how much I have changed since I last took it. It's been about nine years...
