Wedding updates have been pretty sparse as of lately, haven't they? It's not that I haven't felt the intense need to update this. It just seems to happen when I'm at work, and I can't very well do it then, can I?
Anyway, during the downtime, I have fluctuated between a fire breathing dragon and a cry baby--with this week having it especially pronounced.
That being said, my fire breathing dragon moments/bridezilla morphing were completely justified. There were not any casualties apart from the one person who received my wrath. And that one person happened to be a vendor, so I'm okay with that. If I'm forking over money to them, I expect things to work a certain way as far as the communication goes. And now that I've established I'm not a doormat I think things will be just fine.
Last night I had an especially hard time though. The weight of everything I had to do was too much. It had been too much for awhile, but for whatever reason I felt incredibly alone in it last night. I know I can't get everything done so that I have enough time to relax before the day of, but that's kind of how I have functioned when it comes to big things in the past. And since this is a "big thing", it would seem that it could be possible, right?
Well, it turns out that may be a too ambitious, and that even with having all this time, I should probably relax and use it to the best of my ability. Last night, the aloneness I feel in planning this wedding really hit me hard. It lessened a little bit after having Dana over and putting stamps on all the Save the Dates. And it got even less today as I opened up to my mom about how I need help, especially since most of my bridesmaids are out of state. I feel like I'm doing a lot of this stuff alone. And often times that's okay, but for some reason when there's a lot of things to do, I need someone there to tell me it's okay.
My mom has said she would love to help which has taken some of the burden off.
And there is yet even better news---I have found my dress!!
No, I'm not going to post a photo of it, but I will say that I felt amazing in it. It wasn't what I expected. And I can't wait to see Dana's face when he sees me. I sent a photo of it to all the girls and they all approved. My mom was in awe when she saw it. It will be amazing. I wish I could go back and put it on again just so I could feel that way again.
Dance lessons have gotten much more difficult for me, less so for Dana. I guess because up until recently, the dancing we did was 90% Dana working and 10% me. That's a pretty cool thing about waltz, I can only follow him (this has actually not been as easy for me to let him lead, but I'm working on that). The last couple dance lessons we've had have entailed me having to "check in" much more. I'm working on getting into "check in" mode when I go, but I suppose we'll see how much I check in when we go tomorrow.
Currently, I'm looking at bridesmaids dress designs, but I say looking in a very generous way. I'm not in tunnel vision mode--mainly because my mom said that I don't have to be! I've sent my sister some pretty horrendous ones as a joke. I'm going to give myself another couple weeks of fun things to do.
Here are some of the fun things to do that I have come up with:
--construct centerpieces
--scout good locations for the "first look" photographs
--practice dancing
and perhaps the coolest sounding thing ever right now: GET A MASSAGE!! (Seriously, I got an email the other day about getting a discount for a massage, and I'm a payday away from redeeming it!!!)
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